EMILY-JANE CLARK

author . comedy writer . feature writer

I write books, comedy, scripts, features, satire, sketches, sitcom, jokes, blogs, angry poems and endless things to do lists.

PORTFOLIO

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THE BEASTS OF KNOBBLY BOTTOM: ATTACK OF THE VAMPIRE SHEEP

My funny debut middle grade book is out in July as part of a two book deal with Scholastic. Featuring scary sheep, girl power and a lot of garlic bread.

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WOMEN TELL EVERYONE TO 'F**K OFF. MASH REPORT (BBC2)

A sketch I wrote for BBC2's Mash Report starring Ellie Taylor. It went viral gaining more than 42 million views on Facebook.

Watch Sketch

BBC COMEDY SHORT

I wrote a comedy short called Hashtag I'm Here for BBC's Biggest Weekend Festival in May 2018 . It was aired on the big screen during the events and then online across BBC social media.

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SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK: HOW TO SURVIVE WHEN YOUR BABY WON'T GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

A humorous antidote to baby sleep advice. Amazon bestseller. Five star rated. 'The saviour of the sleep deprived parent', apparently.

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WOMAN GOES ON MINI BREAK WHILE HER HUSBAND HAS A SHIT

A WOMAN is enjoying a long weekend in Barcelona while her husband does his morning shit.
Emma Holland is wandering happily down La Rambla after booking herself a last minute flight about an hour after her husband John closed the bathroom door.

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TIME WASTER PARENTS USING PETS AT HOME AS FREE DAY OUT, DAILY MASH

SCUMBAG parents with no intention of buying animals have been told to stop bringing their bloody kids to Pets At Home.

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WHEN DEPRESSION WANTS YOU BACK, METRO UK

I thought she had gone for good, but I was wrong. She was simply waiting for an opportunity to sneak her way back into my life. I call her a ‘friend’, but she is a bit of a dick.

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I NEVER THOUGHT I'D USE A FOOD BANK, NEW STATESMAN

It is not every day you wait in an alley for a stranger to drop off a package.

But one morning not so long ago, I found myself doing just that.

I am not proud of myself....

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FINALIST FUNNY WOMEN COMEDY WRITING AWARD

My sitcom Full House won a place in the final of the funny women comedy women award 2017. I am currently looking to get this commission. Get in touch for pilot and treatment.

KENNY

A micro short film I wrote as part of the BAFTA crew cohort which was accepted at Berlin and London film festivals.

Watch here

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